Gratitude

A practice in self love.

After yesterday’s doctors appointments, routine 45-minute MRI, and conversations/tests, this morning I find myself rooted in gratitude. Honestly, MRIs scare the ABSOLUTE S*%T out of me. I (perhaps dramatically) align them with a sort of PTSD — a gripping resurgence of fear and helplessness — my face caged accompanied by a daunting symphony of Call of Duty banging (sans fun gamer elements); the pressure of magnetic fields/waves vibrating through my vulnerable while strictly instructed to be “still”; the anxiety of what the imaging will reveal... It can be a lot.

But yesterday, I made the decision to ask myself, “Are you okay now?” I softened into deep breaths, the rhythm of my rib cage expanding and deflating. I felt myself relax... and seriously, it was EMPOWERING.

Since returning to Pilates post surgery, one of my staple mantras has been the value of unconditional #selflove: May I be easy, gentle, and grateful. I often preach to my clients that even in stillness, the body chooses movement. In each class, I often ask clients to quiet their minds, to listen to the reverberation of the practice and notice that even in what we deem as “still”, our lungs continue breathing, our heart beats, neurons fire, blood circulates...

And in that moment, I hope we realize that our bodies do more for us than arguably anyone ever could. Movement never truly dissolves. It remains, always...What a FREAKIN’ REMARKABLE, insurmountable GIFT!!!!!!!!!

So yesterday, with a never comforting IV in my vein, I decided to indulge in my own talk, take my own medicine, and chose to allow the anxiety while bringing my attention to an ever-moving body. I let my mind chime in with a few “You are strong” chants, granting myself permission to “Let the tension flow through you and surrender to gravity. Let go of whatever doesn’t serve you.” And, cross my heart, I was able to grasp inconceivable moments of peace on that scary MRI table.

Today, I return to the mat, restored. Somehow stronger? I am learning to trust the future me to handle future problems & to honor and thank my body NOW.

Next time you catch yourself groaning about your thighs, tummy, blah, blah, blah, I encourage you to redirect the dialogue and offer a sincere thank you for how that part of the body has served you.

Because it has.